The Only Way Up

Hello from rock bottom.

I am writing this from one of the lowest points I’ve been at for a long time. I am writing this to my future self, the next time I think I can get by without God’s guiding hand at my back. These words are for anyone who thinks for one solitary moment they can survive without the voice of the Creator in their ear and heart. I want anyone who thinks they can live without His daily presence to read the next sentence very carefully:

You can’t. 

You can’t live without Him. If your feet start to wander away from Him, He will follow after you. He will call your name relentlessly until you hear Him. His love for you will chase your every movement, filling your dreams, dogging your steps. He loves you unto death. He won’t let His child go that easily.

I started this year with a list of resolutions designed to bring me closer to God. I made all sorts of promises to seek after Him and draw closer to His presence and learn about who He wants me to be. Then, I turned and walked resolutely in the opposite direction. I was so angry that His plan was different from mine, that I let myself grow resentful. I wouldn’t let His healing hands anywhere near my hurting heart. So God did what He always has to do to get me to listen–He took away every crutch I could devise. Every comfort and distraction was pulled out from under me. Suddenly, I had nothing to turn to. He let me fall hard and get hurt, and I found myself here. Alone, scared, with my worries pressing in close, whispering in the dark.

He let me decide to come crawling back to Him. He waited for me to admit I need Him. He knows I am stubborn enough so that I have to choose Him, or my heart won’t be in it. So He gave me the barest taste of what life without Him would be like, and then waited for me to choose.

I am writing from a dark, lonely place. These words are echoing out from a pit I dug for myself, and then was blind enough to fall into. My own hands hollowed this place out, fueled by anger and bitterness and impatience. My own resentment landed me here, my own certainty that my plan was better that God’s. This is where my plan puts me.

God stands at the edge of the pit, offering me a way out. All I have to do is take it. The only way to go is up–and He’s the only way upward.

I am writing this for the next time I think I don’t need to listen to His voice. For the next time I decide that maybe I can skip my time in prayer and Scripture for the day. For the next time I decide that I know better than the Almighty, who wants nothing but the best for me.

These words are from rock bottom: You need Him, or you’ll just wind up here again. And trust me, you don’t want that for yourself any more than He does.

When you find yourself at a low point, it’s entirely up to you what comes of it. You get to decide how it ends. Years from now, your choice will be what you look back on. You can let it be an ending, a time of despair and hopelessness. Or, you can reach for God’s hand, ready to pull you back to your feet. You can make it a turning point.

I’m going to make this a turning point. I’m reaching out for God’s hand.

~Becca